New Year; New YOU!
I LOVE the beginning of a New Year!
For me, there is something exciting about having a fresh start!
Every January I feel an urgency to clear up, complete or delete clutter I attracted or created during the past year. I have even ended most of my relationships by the end of November. Seem Strange? Not really.
On reflection I understand that it was because one of my most significant relationships ended in November when I was only six and a half years old. My father was killed in a car accident. So it makes perfect sense now why I prepared myself to end relationships with significant others in my life that month before they had the chance to “leave me”.
The urge to run still pops up, especially since my Mom passed away a few years ago in, go figure, the month of November. However I NOW recognize it, then put it on paper in a heartwork (ventingcreatively) and give myself permission to act on it only if it still feels right after the emotional clutter has cleared and I am able to look at it more objectively.
I have been in this relationship for 10 years now and counting. Experience has proven to me over and over that life can change in a moment. So I have no expectations. I just try to take one moment, day, week, year at a time and do everything I can to focus on what is good in this relationship and in my life. So far it has outweighed the flip side. Trust me there are days when this is VERY difficult. I NOW measure the relationship by how much I have grown within and because of it instead of whether HE has met MY Expectations.
Because as human beings we tend to complicate our lives even while we say we seek peace.
I know you have heard it too many times already that the only person you can change is yourself. Well it is the ABSOLUTE TRUTH, and the sooner we get it the better all our relationships will be. However, while we can not change the other person, WE CAN set boundaries that teach people how to treat us even if they are resistant at first.
Often, THE PERSON MOST RESISTANT to setting boundaries is the person needing to set them. Why? Because it means we have to be responsible for our own happiness instead of being able to BLAME another person, situation or the Universe for our needs not being met.
The MOST IMPORTANT part of setting healthy boundaries for ourselves is GETTING CLEAR on what they need to be. What REALLY Bugs or Hurts You & How Do YOU want it to change in order to serve Your Highest Needs?
How can you get clear on this? There are a many ways.
These are the 3 things I do to get clear on what mine need to be:
- Spend time alone on a walk or drive.
- View your situation as if it was a good friend’s life. What advice would you give this person? On hindsight you will find that any advice you give, you need to take
- Meditate. If you can’t then Meditate Actively with An Art from the Heart Adventure ( you can do this instead of watching commercials or running to the fridge )
It is as easy as 1, 2, 3!
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Copyright 2010 Carolyn Shannon